Lin Nanji thought all the way back, occasionally glancing at the emperor's back.
Li Chengxian was still wearing the dragon robe from morning court. Because he had rushed over, his hair looked slightly disheveled from behind. Yet even like this, one still had to admit he looked impressive and dignified.
—After all, even villains in novels couldn't be ugly.
And several generations of Great Qi emperors really did have excellent genes.
Plus that scheming mind.
Lin Nanji suddenly felt that serving directly before the emperor might not be such a good job after all.
【Did I kneel one step too late this morning?】
【He didn't catch me dozing with my eyes half closed, did he?!!!】
Like an employee caught slacking by his boss, Lin Nanji began reviewing his behavior. After a long while, he reached a conclusion.
【—Hehe. Impossible. With the dog emperor's unpredictable temper, if he'd seen me, he'd have ordered someone to beat me long ago. How would he hold back until now?】
Li Chengxian listened to Lin Nanji's inner voice along the way purely for entertainment. Hearing this, the corner of his mouth twitched.
His fingers rubbed together a few times. If he didn't give this servant a small taste of imperial authority, the boy really wouldn't take him seriously as emperor.
Li Chengxian walked while thinking, and without noticing, the corner of his lips curved upward slightly.
Wang Dehai happened to glance up and saw the indescribable expression on Li Chengxian's face. He paused.
That didn't make sense.
He'd just been given such an enormous green hat by Vice Minister Liu and his son. How could His Majesty still smile?
Noticing Wang Dehai's probing look, Li Chengxian coughed lightly and restored his dignified expression.
After listening to this little eunuch's thoughts for so long, he'd practically been infected.
Purple Enclosure Palace was neither especially close nor especially far.
For some reason, Lin Nanji felt wrong all over and couldn't stop sneezing several times in a row.
It felt like someone was speaking badly about him behind his back!
That feeling lasted all day. Just when Lin Nanji thought he should find a temple and pray, Wang Dehai brought two young eunuchs and dragged him away.
Lin Nanji was confused. “Eunuch Wang, where are you taking me?”
Wang Dehai looked Lin Nanji up and down several times until Lin Nanji's eyes went blank, then gave a satisfied “Mm.”
Lin Nanji cautiously asked, “Eunuch, what does this mean?”
Wang Dehai smiled warmly, revealing absolutely nothing of what he was thinking. “Enough. Don't ask. Just follow.”
Lin Nanji was taken to a side hall, where He Xiu and another eunuch, Liang Yin, immediately reached to strip his clothes. Lin Nanji hugged himself in fright. “W-what, what, what are you doing?!”
Don't take off his trousers!
A dress was placed before him. He Xiu gave him two sympathetic looks. “Want to change yourself?”
Lin Nanji: !!!
【I knew the dog emperor was up to something rotten!】
Half an incense stick later.
Lin Nanji finally changed, dragging his feet the whole time.
Wang Dehai and the others' eyes lit up. He slapped his thigh. “Excellent!”
Lin Nanji's face went stiff. Catching He Xiu and Liang Yin whispering and snickering, he glared at them.
Wang Dehai had someone carry in a full-length bronze mirror. Its surface was polished and reflected people very clearly.
The person in the mirror wore a pale-pink traditional skirt ensemble with a bandeau-style top, exposing a stretch of snow-white □□ collarbone. Lin Nanji had a small frame, so it did not look particularly out of place. Palace maids had painted his face. At first glance, his delicate brows curved like distant mountains, his cheeks were peach-pink, and his bright, limpid eyes seemed gathered from clear water. It was almost impossible to look away.
Lin Nanji stood as stiff as a block of wood and awkwardly kicked at the hem of the skirt.
He had never worn such a long girl's skirt. How was he supposed to walk in this?
So girly.
Oh. He was already a girly eunuch now.
Lin Nanji's balls hurt just thinking about it.
Wang Dehai smiled so broadly the wrinkles on his face nearly unfolded.
“This is a mercury mirror presented by Tibet. There is only one in all of Great Qi. His Majesty specifically had it moved out of the Imperial Household Department. Look—bright and clear, isn't it?”
“Bright. Extremely bright.” Lin Nanji's face was almost green.
Lin Nanji still didn't understand. “What exactly are we doing?”
Wang Dehai smiled with especially meaningful schadenfreude. “His Majesty said that today—we're watching a show—”
No one knew what festival it was today, but Hall of Primal Essence had unusually been hung with lanterns and decorations. Enormous red lanterns glowed everywhere. If the weather hadn't been bitterly cold, it would have felt wonderfully festive and warm. The whole place blazed red and cozy, as though a grand show were about to begin.
Han Li arrived exactly at the banquet's starting time. Last year, because of meritorious service and his superior retiring, he had been promoted to Minister of Rites. He was currently riding high on success, smiling wherever he went.
The moment he received the emperor's banquet invitation, he had people make preparations and arrived dressed impeccably.
At the entrance to Hall of Primal Essence, Han Li met Grand Master of Ceremonies Chen Tongfu, and the two exchanged greetings.
“I heard His Majesty didn't invite everyone this time. Apparently Censor-in-Chief Wang from the Censorate isn't on the guest list.”
Han Li stroked his beard and scoffed. “That stubborn old fossil Censor-in-Chief Wang opposes His Majesty every day at court. It's only natural he'd be disliked.”
“Minister Han speaks reasonably.” Chen Tongfu unfolded the invitation in his hand. “Minister Han, look here: a theater banquet, reciting poetry and enjoying performances. Naturally, His Majesty would invite people with taste. If Censor-in-Chief Wang were here, everyone might feel constrained.”
Han Li laughed loudly. “Exactly. Someone as dull as Wang Wenhe, who only buries his head in digging up others' faults, would just sit there drinking in silence even if he came for the fun. Wouldn't that ruin His Majesty's mood?”
Inside Hall of Primal Essence, silver-thread charcoal burned in several cloud-patterned bronze braziers, filling the room with springlike warmth. Attendants methodically guided officials to their seats.
The moment Han Li sat down, a young man beside him nervously saluted. “This subordinate greets Minister Han.”
Han Li frowned. “You are?”
The young man bowed repeatedly. “This subordinate is Zhao Mingchuan, Supervising Secretary of the Ministry of Personnel.”
Han Li had almost no impression of him. He hadn't expected a mere seventh-rank supervising secretary to be invited and suddenly felt even the fine wine had lost some fragrance.
Amid the bustling banquet, a pink figure hurried back and forth. Lin Nanji stiffly wore the skirt, gritting his teeth as he poured wine for the various officials.
Just as Lin Nanji was about to pour for the next guest, someone suddenly grabbed his wrist.
Lin Nanji: ?
He looked up and met a pair of flirtatious peach-blossom eyes. “Which palace does this little beauty serve in? I haven't seen you before. May I ask your fragrant name?”
Little beauty?
Lin Nanji sneered inwardly. Just wait until the trousers come off. Then you'll cry.
“This maid is A-Die.”
The libertine rejoiced. “So it's Miss A-Die.”
Lin Nanji smiled without smiling. “Yes.”
Right. I'm your daddy.
Lin Nanji: 【Let me see who this is. Oh! Zou Yuchun, youngest son of the Marquis of Western Hu, a regular at Spring Breeze and Bright Moon House.】
【Huh? His father is an old conservative. If he knew his son likes both men and women—and is the one underneath—would he faint on the spot?】
【Oh! Half a year ago, on the wedding night with the legitimate daughter of the Director of the Court of State Ceremonial, he actually couldn't hold it and crapped his trousers while being carried into the bridal chamber!】
Ah!
Lin Nanji yanked his hand back.
Li Chengxian entered just in time to be hit by Lin Nanji's mental assault. He couldn't help looking at Zou Yuchun twice.
Objectively speaking, Zou Yuchun wasn't unattractive. He even had a somewhat dashing, romantic air. But now he was using those peach-blossom eyes to scan Lin Nanji up and down, naked greed in his gaze, which displeased Li Chengxian.
To behave this wantonly at an imperial banquet showed just how bad his private character must be. He had probably bullied plenty of men and women.
The Marquis of Western Hu had no idea his household had already drawn the emperor's attention.
While arranging a fruit platter, Lin Nanji continued gossiping in his head:
【…Damn it. That night at the banquet, he was even exchanging flirtatious looks with his male lover, hanging all over him, and got so drunk he nearly passed out before the household servant carried him to the bridal chamber. After that, he couldn't control anything anymore.】
【The servant first felt warm liquid running down his back and thought Zou Yuchun had vomited. Then came an absolutely foul smell. When he put him down, he saw the bright-red wedding clothes were smeared yellow all over. But Zou Yuchun was drunk and running around in a frenzy, so he got crap everywhere in the bridal room!】
【The bride burst into tears on the spot, threw off her phoenix crown and wedding robe, and demanded to go home.】
【Who wouldn't cry after getting smeared with crap on their wedding night?!】
Li Chengxian kept a wooden face and desperately wanted to throw Zou Yuchun straight out.
And this little eunuch—could he stop describing it in such detail?
Li Chengxian had entered with an empty stomach. Now he had no appetite at all.
He looked down at Lin Nanji in his pink dress. He looked so beautiful—how could he be so hateful?
Lin Nanji finally escaped Zou Yuchun and moved on to pour wine for Minister of Rites Han Li.
The moment he saw Han Li's face, Lin Nanji froze.
【Whoa! This one—】
【His story is explosive too!】
By now all officials had arrived. Li Chengxian raised a hand. “Let the banquet begin.”
The officials looked at one another. A theater banquet? Why was there no troupe?
While everyone was confused, a woman slowly entered. The moment everyone saw her face, their breathing stopped.
It was Xu Lanyin.
She wore a magnificent crimson dress, the very same one she had worn when appearing at Spring Breeze and Bright Moon House. Quite a few people present had been there that day, so their expressions all changed when they saw the outfit.
What kind of show was this?
Chen Tongfu looked toward Han Li in alarm. “Minister Han, do you know what medicine His Majesty is selling in his gourd? Why… why is Miss Xu here?”
Han Li had already dug his nails into his palm. His gaze swept urgently over the invited officials. As though realizing something, his face suddenly turned white and he froze.
Only Senior Secretary Feng sat unmoving in the chief seat, calmly lifting his wine cup for a sip.
The Deputy Grand Secretary beside him cautiously sounded him out. “Senior Secretary, Xu Lanyin will enter the palace soon. Isn't it improper for her to serve officials?”
Feng Yuanxiu set down his cup, expression almost gentle. “What's so serious about that? When you visited Spring Breeze and Bright Moon House, did Xu Lanyin never pour tea for you?”
The Deputy Grand Secretary choked, his face reddening slightly. “Senior Secretary knows…”
Feng Yuanxiu chuckled. “You've already risen to Deputy Grand Secretary. How many pairs of eyes are watching you from below? The law may not explicitly forbid officials from patronizing prostitutes, but it still concerns personal virtue.”
“I heard one even has to queue just to see Miss Xu, and that some officials have fought over it. Has the Deputy Grand Secretary heard about that?”
The Deputy Grand Secretary's face turned bright red. He muttered, “This subordinate lost his head for a time. It truly was wrong.”
Xu Lanyin lived up to her reputation as a once-celebrated courtesan. Her bearing was graceful, each step blooming like a lotus.
When she reached Han Li, Xu Lanyin smiled. “Minister Han, long time no see. This humble woman has a small gift to offer. I hope Minister Han won't dislike it.”
Lin Nanji stood behind them, looking at the covered object and wondering what was inside.
When it opened, he nearly stared himself stupid.
【Aaaaah!!!】
Lin Nanji suddenly screamed mentally, the force of his thoughts making even Li Chengxian pause.
【Holy crap, crap, crap! Every time Minister Han visits Spring Breeze and Bright Moon House, he gets completely drunk. When he's drunk, he curses the other officials for not respecting him—especially Censor-in-Chief Wang, who's from a poor background and loves impeaching him, delaying his entry into the Grand Secretariat again and again.】
【I never imagined he'd even think of something like this!】
【And he's the Minister of Rites!!!】
