It was past the middle of the Tiger Hour. Purple Enclosure Palace blazed with light like an enormous lantern floating on a boundless night sea. Eunuchs and palace maids stood in two rows below, anxiously waiting in the warm chamber for their master's orders.
Last night, the emperor had flown into a rage over several memorials impeaching the Prince of Northern Prosperity and had not gone to bed until deep into the night. Now the atmosphere inside the hall was icy, heavy with storm clouds.
Lin Nanji stood at the very end of the line, so sleepy that tears welled in his eyes. He pretended to stare solemnly at the tip of his nose, holding his breath and forcing himself into an impeccably respectful expression.
After standing so long, even his peripheral vision began to blur. Beside him, He Xiu, who had been promoted with him to serve as a personal imperial attendant, was swaying lightly. His green robe trembled along with him, making Lin Nanji nervous.
Serving a ruler was like accompanying a tiger. If they offended the emperor while he was angry, they could easily lose their heads.
Lin Nanji felt sorry for He Xiu for a moment, then immediately felt sorrier for himself. He had been a university student who had just passed the civil service exam. Before he even had a chance to serve tea to his boss, he had transmigrated into a groveling servant in the depths of the imperial palace. He cautiously squeezed his legs together, felt a familiar presence between them, and quietly breathed a sigh of relief.
Thank goodness, thank goodness. Still there, still there.
Every time he saw this miserably green robe, it scared him into thinking all six roots of desire had been cleansed away.
Then again, if anyone discovered that his six roots had not been cleansed, his head would probably be separated from his neck. Lin Nanji yawned sadly.
After yawning, Lin Nanji secretly looked toward the emperor of Great Qi.
The warm chamber was spacious, heated from beneath. A bright-yellow curtain separated the inner and outer spaces, held back by gold hooks inlaid with colored glass. The reigning emperor sat at an angle on the broad Hainan rosewood dragon throne behind the curtain, his left hand on the table and a memorial in his right. His gaze was lowered, brows deeply furrowed, expression dark. The chief eunuch Wang Dehai attended him carefully from the side.
Lin Nanji's strange train of thought went: 【So even the dog emperor gets dark circles when he stays up late.】
On the dragon throne—
He had reviewed memorials until midnight, then had to attend court again during the Tiger Hour, leaving him so exhausted he was seeing stars. Yet as emperor, there was no room for laziness. Li Chengxian radiated resentment from head to toe. He had even heard someone curse him in his dreams, so now everything he looked at annoyed him.
—That's right. Emperors got morning grouchiness too.
Li Chengxian seized on the Prince Who Pacifies the North and gave him a furious scolding: “That Prince of Northern Prosperity has outrageous nerve! He dares privately maintain household troops and withhold military grain!”
“I granted him the title Prince of Northern Prosperity, and now he actually thinks he's a king in his own right.”
He was so absorbed in scolding that he accidentally smashed a teacup. None of the palace servants who entered to attend the inner hall dared breathe loudly. Under the frozen, murderous atmosphere, they dropped to their knees in a wave.
Seeing everyone in front kneel, Lin Nanji hurriedly followed.
He was terrified that if he knelt a moment too late, the emperor would make an example of him.
Lin Nanji narrowed his eyes and complained wildly in his head: 【Why hasn't the dog emperor finished yelling yet? He's already been at it for almost half an hour. We're going to be late for court. The Censorate already wants to criticize you; if you're late, they'll criticize you even harder.】
Li Chengxian, still in the middle of his anger, suddenly heard the voice and shuddered all over.
Again. That voice again!
He could still pretend the earlier “dog emperor doesn't act human” had been something from a dream, but this sentence was perfectly clear, and it even mentioned the Censorate.
Absolutely outrageous. Where was the dignity of the imperial house?!
Yet none of the other people present reacted to the voice at all. Li Chengxian's eyes, still blazing from political anger moments ago, now filled with startled uncertainty.
Li Chengxian had been hearing this voice for three days. It was bright and clear, even soothing to hear, yet he could never find its source. Stranger still, no one else reacted to it.
Only he could hear this voice.
Li Chengxian's hawk-like gaze swept across the attendants one by one. There were seven or eight eunuchs in the hall, all kneeling. On the far left was Wang Dehai, an old servant who had followed him for years and was now over forty. There was no chance such a youthful voice belonged to him.
The other close attendants had all been thoroughly screened. The two newly promoted food attendants and two wardrobe attendants were familiar faces as well.
He turned his gaze toward the final two. They held miscellaneous posts in Purple Enclosure Palace and had no fixed duties. One looked nervous at a glance, obviously someone newly transferred into Purple Enclosure Palace who saw the Son of Heaven every day with reverence and awe.
Someone timid like that did not look capable of brazenly calling him a “dog emperor.”
He stood beside a pillar in Purple Enclosure Palace with his hands respectfully tucked together. His posture was technically proper, but his upper and lower eyelids were nearly glued shut.
Li Chengxian grew displeased. He himself had been so furious last night that he barely slept, yet this servant dared doze off inside his Purple Enclosure Palace. What kind of behavior was that?
He was just about to make trouble when he took a closer look—
The servant actually had a fair and beautiful face, his brows and eyes as though painted in ink, his handsome refinement touched with a trace of lively spirit. He was slender and tall. A plain black belt cinched his green eunuch robe, somehow making this lowly little servant look like a fresh green scallion.
—Tender and eye-catching.
He Xiu tugged Lin Nanji, jolting him awake. He opened his eyes and saw the emperor beckoning him over.
Calling him?
He hadn't noticed Lin Nanji secretly dozing, had he?
Lin Nanji tucked his hands together, lowered his head, shuffled up to Li Chengxian in tiny steps, and expertly dropped to his knees. “Your Majesty, this servant is here.”
Li Chengxian looked down at the young personal attendant, who kept his eyes lowered obediently. “What's your name?”
“Lin Nanji. Nan as in cedarwood, Ji as in achievement.”
Li Chengxian was somewhat surprised. This little eunuch had a rather uncommon name.
There was no inner voice. Li Chengxian breathed a sigh of relief, yet also felt irritated.
As emperor, he would not permit anything beyond his control to exist, whether in court, in the harem, or among strange supernatural phenomena. A ruler of a nation, taught by sages from childhood and carrying responsibility for millions of people, absolutely should not be bewitched by a few mysterious words.
Li Chengxian decided he was probably so angry that his mind had gone strange.
“To court.” Li Chengxian left Lin Nanji where he was and strode outside.
A tiny servant wasn't worth making him paranoid.
He Li was at the back and hurried to help Lin Nanji up. “Court's starting. Hurry and follow.”
Lin Nanji's legs felt weak. He held his breath until his face reddened, then finally exhaled hard—
【Mommy! Why did the dog emperor suddenly call on me? He scared me to death! Doesn't he know suddenly calling someone's name first thing in the morning is against the rules?!】
【Good thing I reacted fast, or behaving improperly before the emperor would've earned me at least ten strokes.】
【If the dog emperor were in a bad mood, my head might already be separated from my body. Chop!】
Li Chengxian's long, forceful stride suddenly stumbled. He nearly tripped over the threshold, caught himself on Purple Enclosure Palace's imposing vermilion doorpost, and turned back sharply with a cracked expression to stare at the little eunuch from before.
For some reason, Lin Nanji suddenly felt a chill at the back of his neck. He quickly shrank back, only to meet Li Chengxian's strange, complicated gaze.
His heart paused. Half a breath later, he gave the emperor an ingratiating smile.
Yet his inner voice burst out like a broken dam: 【What's going on?! Why is the emperor acting all neurotic today? Does he know the Prince of Northern Prosperity is secretly planning to spread rumors that the emperor is impotent? Or does he know the Grand Princess is secretly keeping a lover behind her consort's back?】
Li Chengxian's expression cracked slightly. The Prince of Northern Prosperity was saying he was impotent? His dignified, proper elder sister was cuckolding her husband?
If he were the late emperor, he would have dragged this rumor-spreading servant away and executed him by a thousand cuts long ago!
Li Chengxian silently repeated, “I am not a tyrant,” then marched onward with a blank, imposing expression. He was the exalted Son of Heaven. He must not let strange supernatural nonsense disturb his mind.
***
In the imperial court, the Golden Hall towered majestically, dragon energy curling around the beams.
Purple and vermilion robes knelt across the floor. Great Qi's most respected senior ministers and most honored strategists all bowed at the Son of Heaven's feet.
Except for Wang Dehai, all eunuchs waited outside the hall, and Lin Nanji was no exception.
Li Chengxian sat on a dragon throne made of pure gold, handsome and noble in his bright-yellow dragon robe. His long phoenix eyes looked down at the ministers below. The smartest, wisest people under heaven had all been gathered beneath the emperor's command.
But today, that voice had made him unusually restless. Li Chengxian looked at everyone. “I presume all of you know about the Prince of Northern Prosperity. What are your opinions?”
Grand Secretary and Chancellor Du Shangqing, already over fifty with graying hair, stepped forward with a slight bow. “This minister believes this matter is extremely serious.”
“The Prince of Northern Prosperity has outrageous nerve. He dared secretly stockpile armor and helmets with intent to rebel. By law, he should be executed!”
Unfortunately, not one of you can replace him in guarding the frontier. Li Chengxian felt stifled with anger. “The Prince of Northern Prosperity once risked his life for the state. Besides, the frontier forces are growing restless. If I kill the Prince of Northern Prosperity, who will guard the border?”
Below came another dark sea of voices crying, “May Your Majesty judge wisely.”
Li Chengxian's face turned iron-blue, and the atmosphere in the hall instantly grew tense.
By a side entrance outside the hall, Lin Nanji quietly leaned against the wall, so sleepy his eyes kept watering.
He had originally been a newly graduated university student. One night, he stayed up late reading a melodramatic novel, only to transmigrate the very next day.
The book was an outrageously messy multiple-love-interest romance where the protagonist wavered among several men. Whichever man readers liked today, the author might make tomorrow's male lead, indiscriminately wrecking every ship. …But that wasn't why Lin Nanji had stayed up all night. The romance was melodramatic, but the court politics were detailed and exciting—especially Emperor Li Chengxian, who kept getting layer upon layer of green hats placed on his head. He alone supplied nearly all of Lin Nanji's laughs.
Oh, right. Li Chengxian wasn't the official male lead.
Maybe Lin Nanji had laughed too wickedly. Now he had become a fake eunuch struggling to survive under the emperor. This eunuch even had the exact same name as him. His family had been so poor they could barely feed themselves, so they sent him into the palace to become a eunuch, where he somehow rose to become a sixth-rank personal imperial attendant.
Last night after his shift, he had returned to the attendants' quarters and had barely fallen asleep when Qian Wanliang, deputy supervisor of the Eunuch Bureau, sent someone to summon him.
Qian Wanliang was thirty-five. His name suited him perfectly: he loved tens of thousands in gold above all else. Within the imperial city, he was an old fox and a miser through and through. He had taken numerous disciples, grand-disciples, and adopted sons under him, squeezing money from every one of them. The original owner of Lin Nanji's body had been one of his disciples.
Lin Nanji was still an inexperienced university graduate. After transmigrating, he had forgotten to go pay respects and offer gifts to his superior. Last night, he had been dragged over to massage Qian Wanli's shoulders all night, and both arms were still trembling.
Lin Nanji clenched his fist indignantly.
Society was truly sinister!
The sun had risen. In the depths of winter, there was finally a trace of warmth. Lin Nanji rubbed his hands together and squinted toward the rising sun in the east. It was round and yellow, surrounded by morning glow, like an enormous fried egg.
Just looking at it made him hungry.
He wasn't sleepy anymore. He quietly edged closer to the doorway and pricked up his ears to hear what was happening inside.
Then he heard the conversation from before—
Lin Nanji's mouth dropped open in surprise: 【Hiss—this old bastard is ruthless! The Prince of Northern Prosperity has rendered great military service before, and you want to behead him just like that? Isn't it just because you tried to arrange a marriage with him and got rejected? Do you really have to hold such a grudge?】
Li Chengxian paused. His gaze toward Du Shangqing immediately became complicated. A supposedly loyal court minister had tried to form a marriage alliance with the military commander who controlled troops, and the news had never reached his ears.
Du Shangqing continued, “The Prince of Northern Prosperity acts however he pleases and often acts first and reports later. I fear he has long harbored disloyal intentions.”
Several more civil officials stepped forward to impeach him.
Li Chengxian looked down over the court and set aside the memorial in his hand. “Minister Du, I recall you have a daughter who remains unmarried. Have you found a suitable family for her?”
Du Shangqing froze. He hadn't expected the emperor to suddenly change direction and take an interest in his family affairs. Had His Majesty discovered that he had previously tried to draw the Prince of Northern Prosperity to his side?
Du Shangqing's heart began pounding. Li Chengxian's calm expression instantly looked full of calculation in his eyes.
Du Shangqing's hand trembled slightly around his court tablet. “Replying to Your Majesty, yes. This minister has a daughter who remains unmarried.”
Li Chengxian smiled faintly. “A fine lady ought to be paired with a general. What does my minister think?”
Du Shangqing: “This minister… this minister…”
Listening secretly from outside, Lin Nanji thought: 【Damn! Did I underestimate the dog emperor? He even knows such obscure gossip? As expected of the man who commands Great Qi's strongest intelligence force—the Embroidered Guard.】
Lin Nanji: 【Come to think of it, Grand Secretary Du asked the Prince of Northern Prosperity while he'd lured him into a bathhouse. They were both completely naked, scrubbing each other's backs without a single stitch of clothing. The Embroidered Guard even spies on people while they're bathing?】
【Then what about when they use the toilet…】
It wasn't only Lin Nanji thinking this. Du Shangqing's gaze had gone unfocused too.
Had the emperor's Embroidered Guard really become this powerful? Then didn't that mean they knew he had three red moles on his backside?
Du Shangqing shuddered and stared at the emperor with utter disbelief.
Li Chengxian braced one hand against the armrest of the dragon throne and nearly snapped the carved dragon head off. His expression was visibly cracking.
Who the hell had enough free time to spy on ministers bathing and using the toilet?!!!
He was suspicious, not a pervert!!!
Li Chengxian inhaled deeply. “I believe there are still many suspicious points in this matter. Summon the Prince of Northern Prosperity back to the capital so he can spend the New Year here.”
“We obey the imperial command.” Du Shangqing's heart was in chaos.
“Do any of my ministers have other matters to report?” Li Chengxian felt that his heart had endured far too much this morning.
“This minister has a matter to report. Your Majesty has few heirs and should work harder to spread the imperial branches.” The speaker was Vice Minister Nian, wearing an earnest expression of tireless devotion, as though pouring his entire heart into Great Qi's future.
The moment he said this, the expressions of the other officials in court became somewhat subtle.
Censor-in-Chief Wang could finally hold back no longer and stepped forward. “I heard Your Majesty intends to grant the title of Beauty to a woman from a brothel. A brothel woman's status is so low and base—how can she enter the harem? Even if she bears an imperial son in the future, his origins would be improper. I beg Your Majesty to reconsider!”
【!!!】
Lin Nanji instantly perked up.
【The dog emperor has taken a fancy to a courtesan and wants to bring her into the palace, but her status isn't legitimate enough. So he copied Emperor Xuanzong of Tang and placed the courtesan in Supreme Purity Temple on the west side of the city, planning to bring her into the palace under the identity of a lay Taoist devotee. Who would've thought the rumors would spread? Now the whole court knows.】
【Ptooey!!!】
【What a shameless dog of a man!】
Hearing Lin Nanji curse him back and forth hundreds of times in his head, Li Chengxian's expression darkened.
“Do all my ministers oppose this?”
Vice Minister Liu of the Ministry of Works dropped to his knees with a thud, his voice impassioned and tragic. “This minister agrees! That brothel woman will bring chaos to the court. Her crime deserves death!!!”
Li Chengxian was a little unhappy. He was merely taking in a woman; he wasn't digging up the ancestral graves. Was this really necessary?
【Oh, oh, oh!】
Lin Nanji's eyes lit up instantly.
【That courtesan comes from the most luxurious brothel in the capital, Spring Breeze and Bright Moon House. Her name is Xu Lanyin. Last year, a single performance of her Startled Swan Dance made her famous throughout the capital. Quite a few officials in court have seen it too.】
【Huh? Vice Minister Liu's son Liu Yuanji is one of Miss Xu's biggest fans. He even wrote a widely circulated poem praising her beauty: “Her slender waist sways like a lotus; a night song stirs the heart.” Tsk, tsk. If that reaches the dog emperor's ears, won't Young Master Liu get exiled to the frontier to feed the geese?】
【No wonder Vice Minister Liu knelt so quickly. This concerns both the official cap on his head and his son's little life.】
A lotus waist, stirring the heart?
Li Chengxian's face darkened as he looked unkindly at Vice Minister Liu kneeling below. Did everyone really think he was some tyrant who couldn't distinguish right from wrong? That he couldn't tolerate even one poem?
Besides, he had never even seen the real Xu Lanyin. He had another reason for bringing her into the palace. He certainly wasn't going to punish an important court official over a beauty.
But wasn't Vice Minister Liu's son famous for being virtuous? He had heard that Liu Yuanji was upright and steady, very much like his father. How had he written such a vulgar poem? What kind of son had that old-fashioned Vice Minister Liu raised?
【Ah!!! No wonder! No wonder!!!】
The voice rose higher and higher, excitement spilling through it. Li Chengxian instinctively wanted to get angry, yet couldn't resist hearing what else the little eunuch knew.
【Vice Minister Liu is one of Miss Xu's intimate patrons too!!!】
Li Chengxian's hand once again clamped around the golden dragon mouth carved on the throne. His phoenix eyes widened in shock. Wasn't Vice Minister Liu famously uninterested in women? Li Chengxian remembered one palace banquet when a maid stumbled and grabbed Liu's arm; he had shoved her away and sternly rebuked her for ignoring proper distance between men and women and violating palace etiquette, even insisting she be punished.
【Hiss! Vice Minister Liu's fetish…】
Lin Nanji wanted to speak, then stopped, then wanted to speak again. Li Chengxian was itching with curiosity.
What fetish?
He had long thought Vice Minister Liu too old-fashioned, forever hanging Confucian moral teachings on his lips until Li Chengxian's ears developed calluses. He had never imagined the man had two completely different faces in public and private.
【Every time he spends a fortune to see Miss Xu, it's only because… he wants to drink wine out of shoes she's worn!】
Drink wine from worn shoes?
Below, Vice Minister Liu continued spraying spit as he spoke.
Vice Minister Liu condemned, word by word, the danger brothel women posed to the imperial house. He even declared that Beauty Xu should be dragged out and beheaded to preserve the imperial family's purity.
Li Chengxian sneered. To conceal his perverted fetish and preserve his official position, he wanted to shout for someone's execution?
Was the emperor merely decoration?
The officials only heard a cold laugh from the dragon throne, dripping with mockery.
Vice Minister Liu's long speech lodged instantly in his throat, making him look like a crowing rooster with its neck squeezed—utterly ridiculous.
Trembling, he glanced up at the emperor's face and saw His Majesty staring at him with icy eyes.
Vice Minister Liu stammered, “This minister, this minister…”
“Your Majesty, Vice Minister Liu speaks truthfully. Even if Your Majesty truly likes that woman, you absolutely must not bring her into the palace. Your Majesty must not damage the imperial family's reputation over a moment of infatuation!” Censor-in-Chief Wang advised.
【Tch!】 Lin Nanji let out a cold laugh inside his head.
【What momentary romance? What drowning in a beauty's tenderness? The dog emperor is only treating her as a substitute for someone else. Scumbag!】
Treating her as a substitute? Li Chengxian was baffled. But he understood “scumbag.” Outrageous! How dare he curse the emperor!
Lin Nanji radiated the excitement of someone feasting on gossip: 【The dog emperor happened to obtain a portrait of Xu Lanyin and thought she looked thirty percent like Shen Liuzheng. Just because of that resemblance, he wanted to bring Xu into the palace solely to make Miss Shen jealous.】
【But people in the palace with fast information already know about this. Some busybody even ran over to Xu Lanyin specifically to gossip, telling her she couldn't compare to even one toe of the young lady from the Xie family, hoping to humiliate her.】
【Who would've thought Beauty Xu wouldn't care at all? She already loves someone else and doesn't like the emperor in the slightest. Hahahahahaha!】
Censor-in-Chief Wang kept remonstrating while the pressure on him steadily increased, but he could only grit his teeth and continue.
【Huh! Wait!】 Lin Nanji sucked in a sharp breath.
【Some madman just climbed over the wall and broke into Miss Xu's room!】
【Supreme Purity Temple doesn't have the towering walls and heavy guards of the imperial palace. The madman found an empty corner, climbed straight over the wall, and headed right for Miss Xu. Ah! It's our poet-brother Liu Yuanji!】
【Liu Yuanji is holding Beauty Xu's hand and saying, “Good devotee, come with me. I'll give you a lifetime of wealth and honor.”】
【How could Beauty Xu overpower an adult man? They're pulling and struggling, both breathing hard.】
【Liu Yuanji wants to take Xu Lanyin away, but she refuses. So Liu Yuanji unleashes his ultimate move: “The emperor! He's impotent! You won't be happy with him!!!”】
Li Chengxian's expression shattered. He clamped a hand around the dragon head.
The court's debate was at its fiercest when everyone saw the emperor's face turn iron-blue, his eyes blazing. He slammed the dragon head, swept his sleeve, and walked straight out of court.
The ministers looked at one another. Had the emperor actually been angered into leaving?
Censor-in-Chief Wang quietly asked Senior Secretary Feng, “Senior Secretary, did we perhaps push too hard?”
Feng stroked his beard and sighed theatrically. “She's merely one woman. His Majesty is not the sort to lose himself in lust. Perhaps… let the matter go.”
“But…”
Senior Secretary, you've visited Xu Lanyin at Spring Breeze and Bright Moon House too!
***
After court, the Liu family's frantic servant finally caught up with Vice Minister Liu. “Master, something terrible happened! Young Master ran away! He headed toward Supreme Purity Temple on the west side of the city!!!”
Vice Minister Liu's vision went black as his blood surged. “Ah—!”
Heaven meant to destroy him! Heaven meant to destroy the Liu family!
He roared, “What are you standing around for? The carriage! To Supreme Purity Temple!”
